Almost Five.

Something stolen from me, in the dead of night, chilly and cloaked and understood. I ended comfort, I ended security. I am afraid of being myself, of being someone that people may not like… so I covered with someone who was normal. I liked it. It was approachable. I was in love, with someone. I stayed inside, a cozy house, a warm chair and kittens and lovely little boring things. Nothing beautiful, everything blank and dry. Patient. I’m trying, I’ll be alright.

I would much rather be a passerby than carrion, a bag with a name and a tag that said I was yours. I hurt, I caused it; I’m sorry. I’m going to start a war, like a lyric to a shared song. I don’t have much left at all, but this I will remember to share with you. We went and were normal, maybe love, maybe forever. I wanted more, always, didn’t want to complicate things. Didn’t want to leave you, couldn’t justify. Couldn’t stay. You’ll know.
Never part of your family, your pretty little family.

I love the early morning, in the dark. Silent, hiding, mostly I feel alive. I found my headphones, but someone stole my music. All of it, gone, but most of it didn’t belong to me. Soft blankets, feminine feelings, unbelievably soft legs, lips that want to be kissed and a heart that knows it cannot fly. A deep breath and a longing. A deep breath and a yawn.

I’m still in this town, la-de-da-de-da-de-dada, this pretty little town. A stranger in a familiar town, known but aloof without trying. Typical, so typical, like a lyric in a song we shared. Piano keys I know your fingers will touch, I’ll be remembered in those little in-betweens, in the air, separate, maybe. It’s too much to expect. I care, I care, I do. I want to be something other than what normal little nothings, simple, nothings, mediocre paintings I have problems and need to leave. I wanted so much, but couldn’t make it with clumsy fingers. Can’t complete this pattern with threads that don’t match, don’t make sense.

Learn to be alone. Learn to do what I couldn’t do with an excuse. Must hear, must breathe, must be. I’m. settled, romantic, tender, open, protected, soft, tough, shallow, interested, violent.rooted.lonely, free, unnoticed, inspired, sold precious. So dear, so dear. As little as I’d like, I’m going to seem a little

fragile.

-Here’s one:

Maybe a little trade
Pinpricks, yarn tied round
Simple knots.
Little lives, settled
In bellies and warm.
Open, wide, come in
I’d like it very much,

Just some simple tale
roses, what she’d like
a girl, they like them.
Generic, simple.
Sweet, no blame.

Enveloped in hours, time
Like books we never read.
Laid on the stand
By the bed we unmade.

I’d like a little sand
To tell, raw like weeds
Wet with worry. Legs,
And hands and feet
Open, stale, for air
We saved it all
Fortunate, squalored.

Spoken slow, slurred
With tears I couldn’t share,
Hands, glass between
Pillows, lashes,
Blues, clear blind eyes.

I’d like some time
But would not ask.
Slipping farther, going West
Into the shy wind where I live.