art has a million hands.

I’m sitting in my apartment, holding onto memories, reminiscing about thirsty nights and words that stuck to the roof of my mouth. Listening to Two Gallants. Thinking about art. Laying on my couch, this computer is warm on my stomach and I’m incredibly happy. There’s no other place I’d rather be now, no other life I would rather live than the one I have right now. Bright and beatiful. Never expected all of this.

Last class, last of a lot of things. And there are new things that are better, more exciting, more interesting to look forward to. I’ve got a helluva lot more living to do, but the idea is no longer tedious to me. I’d rather be a character in your book than a picture hanging on your wall, a million times more I would rather be in your arms.

I’m thinking about my next art projects… and I am not yet sure if I will be more inspired when I’m not being forced to do art for school, or if I will simply not do it without the motivation. I feel like it will be the former. I’ve been painting/drawing every day, and despite my own overwhelming doubts about my skills, I feel like I’ve done some good stuff. My next series (because I have mat boards aplently, thanks to a beloved teacher), will be about bedrooms: windows, doors, pillows, and thoughts. A fitting topic.

And what good is it to do art if it won’t be seen? Having people see it is terrifying, frustrating, and discouraging, and I will be the first one to say my art is not good but it tears my heart when my art is compared to that of others’. The stars may never fall for me but I’ve got two hands that I can use, and I’ve got something to say, though I don’t always begin by knowing how to say it, or how to get people to understand. I guess I’m just beginning to realize that doing something I love requires no justification, and I don’t need to explain myself when it comes to something that is such a huge part of who I am. I’m beginning to realize that sacrificing that huge part for a future that was never mine is completely preposterous, soul-wounding, and straight up depressing. I don’t owe my soul. I will bare it but I will not pause my life to save face.

How do you stay sane when you’ve got a million ideas in your head but hands that don’t know how to form them?

You keep playing.

Video Game Project: Phase I

This is the full track list for my video game project for my Art class. It’s basically an FF7-style RPG about time travel and saving the universe.

1.Desert Ghost- These Arms Are Snakes (City Theme, In the Evening)
2.Sunken Dreams- …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead (Cade’s Theme)
3. If You Want Me- Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (Dagny’s Theme)
4.GRADUALE / GRADUAL JACTA COGITATUM- Gregorian Chants (First Church Scene)
5. La Serenissima- Loreena McKennitt (Jeanne’s Theme)
6.The Hill- Marketa Irglova (Thea’s Theme)
7.When You Come Back Down- Nickel Creek (Thea and Cade’s Love Theme)
8.Banish Misfortune- Tom Long (Travel Music)
9.Appassionato, ma non troppo allegro- Johannes Brahms (Louis’ Theme)
10. On The Bus Mall- The Decemberists (Hopeful Theme)
12.Eli, The Barrow Boy- The Decemberists (Eli’s Theme)
13. In A Market Dimly Lit- mewithoutYou (The Proletariat Theme)
14.A Time To Be So Small- Interpol (Time is changing Theme)
15.Black Door- The Black Keys (Vid’s Theme)
16.You Picked Me- A Fine Frenzy (Dagny & Vid’s Theme, Love Scene)
17.Muscle Museum- Muse (Future Battle theme)
18.Lady North- These Arms Are Snakes (Sverre’s Theme)
19.OFFERTORIUM / COMUNIO EGO CLAMAVI-Gregorian Chants (Final Church Scene)
20.Beyond Redemption- HIM (Faustus’ Villain Theme)
21.Allegro Presto- Beethoven (Final Battle)
22.Cardboard Ladders- Charlotte Martin (Death/Funeral Scene)
23.Dark Road- Annie Lennox (End Credits)

Coming soon:
Character Descriptions and Concept Designs,
Then possibly the backstory in installments, because it’s still in progress.

Art

A few older pieces.

Acrylic and Found items on board. This was a fun piece! “Drama Queen”

This was an assignment for a class, it’s a rendition of one of my favorite paintings by Mark Ryden, called “Wound.”

“Beloved” This is an old one, done in ‘06 while I was in KC.

“Eve and the Serpent”

“We Love, We Love” I went through a naked women phase last Fall.